not a busy person.
Do you ever get asked how you’ve been lately, and find yourself responding with “Oh you know, busy.” Or perhaps that’s the response you’re used to getting when you ask the question of someone else.
We live in a world that prides itself on being busy. Even writing out that word— busy— gives me a visceral reaction— blah. Honestly, I’m so sick of being busy. Busy sucks up all the oxygen in the room. Busy wreaks havoc on our nervous systems and digestive systems. Busy leaves no margin for error. Busy doesn’t care if you get 7-9 hours of sleep at night. Busy prohibits us from noticing, savouring, taking it all in, delighting, connecting, and being present. Busy is often associated with stress. And stress is associated with high cortisol levels (the stress hormone in our body). And high cortisol is associated with heart disease. And well, I think you see where I’m going.
The other day my friend thanked me for taking the time out of my busy schedule to chat with her on the phone for a couple of hours. Her comment was infused with the assumption that I’m busy and my time could be spent on many important things but I chose to spend it on her… Before I could think twice, I heard myself saying, “You know, I’m actually not that busy…” Maybe this is odd to confess, but I almost found myself feeling embarrassed to admit that I’m not a busy person!
Why is that? I think it’s because being busy is equated with working hard, climbing the ladder, having important responsibilities, having a robust social life, making money, using our time to it’s full potential (whatever that means!), sacrificing ourselves for something greater, etc. etc.
Earlier this year I quit my 9-5 agency counselling job in pursuit of more freedom, less stress, and (you guessed it) less busy-ness. Making this choice felt like a huge leap (but that’s a blog post for another day). But I was hopeful— maybe even desperate— to find a more sustainable way to live. On the other side of that leap, I found out an important truth: I am a better person when “busy” isn’t my norm.
Now, I must say that I don’t think this is true for everyone… some people thrive off of being busy, and having too much time on their hands might make them a worse version of themselves (though I would challenge you to really examine if you like being busy, or if you just don’t know how to be alone with yourself… yeah, I went there!). I also have to acknowledge that there are seasons in life where being busy is simply an inescapable reality (before all you parents out there start laughing and rolling your eyes at me, just bear with me).
When “busy” isn’t my norm, I have more capacity for the things I say I want to value in life: deep relationships, a healthy body and mind, and a spirit of adventure are three of my top values (ie. the priorities I want to base my decisions around). As I weeded out some of the “busy-ness” from my life, I found the spaciousness and capacity to tend to the things that I know matter most to me. And I gotta say, we feel our best when we’re living out of our values. And I would bet that if we sat down to hammer out your top three values, being “busy” would not be one of them.
I realize not everyone can uproot “busy-ness” in drastic ways like quitting their 9-5 job (or dropping their kids off at the grandparent’s for days at a time). But I want to encourage you to really examine what function “busy-ness” plays in your life… to notice the ways you allow being busy to steal your resources and keep you from cultivating a life that feels meaningful and authentic to you. Is being busy a badge of honour? If so, what’s underneath that for you? What’s the opposite of “busy” in your mind? Do any fears come up for you when you think about not being busy? If that’s not enough food for thought, here are some more questions to consider:
What are your top values? (These could be aspirational, or true right now.) How are you living out these values?
What could you say “no” to in your life that may allow you to say “yes” more whole-heartedly to something more in line with your values?
What do you imagine it would feel like to make a change that creates more space in your life for the things that matter to you?
When you’re busy, how does your body respond? How about when you’re not busy? (Notice tension spots, sleep quality, appetite, eating habits, energy levels, mood, etc.) What might this physiological response be trying to tell you? What need can you identify from this?